Gran Torino

I know I'm a tad late on going to see this Michigan based film, but quite frankly I'm kind of glad that I did.

Gran Torino is one of the those films that I feel you REALLY have to be in the mood to see. This wasn't necessarily a winter time movie, but had me seemingly yearning for Michigan's summertime. Seeing the sights and sounds of familiarity from my home state has given me a gigantic sense of pride in the Michigan film incentive. (which I, as many of you know am highly involved in outside of this site)

It starts off sadly enough at the funeral of Walt's wife, where as his family and friends begin to come in he has the unprecedented scowl on his face, showing the old crotchety man who at the end of this film I narrowly escaped shedding a tear for. You learn of his relationship with his two sons, and admittedly in the beginning I REALLY disliked his character, as the only person he seemed to aesthetically respond to was his dog Daisy, an incredibly cute yellow lab.

You learn at his home after the funeral that a Mung family is living next door, which he of course scowls and raves about. There is however, the young boy who you learn is incredibly shy and smart, trapped in the near sighted one way street of going into a life of crime. After his cousins try to convince him to steal Walt's prized Torino, Thao is caught by Walt and after an odd union between Thao's sister and Walt, Thao begins to work for the scowling irritable "zipper wielding" old man next door.

After a series of unexpected (well, okay for story sake you knew something big would happen), the family next door has suddenly become victims of severe violence, and it is time for Walt to perhaps make up for his life of disliking those around him. After going to an actually rather funny confession with his local Catholic priest (who without giving much detail their relationship in this film is rather fantastic) Walt goes and...........well, I'm not an ending giver.

Aside for some rather, well not great acting (but for all credit the two kids in the movie are played by first timers, and Sue is actually a Lansing find) this is a GREAT movie. It brings to light honestly, the feelings that our grandparents and great grand parents have/had. I don't necessarily condone the language or racism in the film, but if that is all you focus on, perhaps you have the adverse perspective of the film than I did. It also put to light how incredibly dilapidated that Detroit is, a painful look into neighborhoods where every other house I wouldn't even let my cats step foot in. This is almost a period piece of sorts, showing that the times are truly changing, and perhaps if tolerance can be in the movies, why can't we do it in real life?

***Also, I'll give a shout out to William C Fox, a talented local actor who works heavily with MPI, and Tom Mahard, my favorite professor from Oakland University who were featured extras in the film.

Scream 4??

Really?

Seriously?

I'm for it, although my fear is that the younger audience won't appreciate the revival of this series, and the original audience won't come back after 9 years of silence.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D

First, I must start off by saying that you realize the change in times when you get Squints from the Sandlot looking glasses when going to see a 3-D movie. The $2.50 surcharge wasn't bad at all considering that the lenses are now like regular glasses, and no longer have the token red and blue peep holes that seeing Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl and Meet the Robinsons in 3-D from my projectionist days caused nausea and headaches, thanks DLP for making REAL-D.

When reviewing theatrical releases, and this is my first I'll probably digress in the first bit about the trailers that were on the film itself. My Bloody Valentine was filled with accurately enough, this seasons round of horror remakes.

Friday the 13th- I am VERY excited for this remake, although I enjoy the fast Jason aspect of the film itself, I sadly do not think I will LOVE this movie, and I foreshadow a "meh" review. I hope to be wrong, but the best thing about the Friday the 13th original was the suspense and not necessaarily knowing where Jason was or even who was the killer (and yes, we all know it was Mrs. Vorhees, a wonderful twist for the newly growing horror genre, and if you get upset that I ruined this you'll be REALLY pissed to know that Bruce Willis was dead all along in the Sixth Sense.) In the most recent trailer for the remake you see him kill dun dun 13 times, could this be another trailer that shows all of the good bits and pieces? We shall see.

Last House on the Left- "God dammit, you have to be kidding me." My initial reaction to the fact that they were making a Last House of the Left remake. For those of you that haven't seen the original, it is Wes "Nightmare on Elm Street" Craven's first feature. It is an hour and some change of torture, sadistic hicks and two teenage girls with muffs for days. I was around 13 the first time I saw this movie, and it is one of my favorites. Realizing that Craven helped produce this, (which may not mean a damn thing) still gives me hope that this will be one of my top films of the year. Hopefully.

***I'm very happy that the filmmakers decided to release one in January, February & March.

The lights dimmed and the 3D began to kick in, first with the attached trailer for Coraline, which for a cartoon looks pretty decent, and I love how they are trying to slowly give in and expose kids to "scary" things.

I'll start the review by saying My Bloody Valentine, for all intensive purposes is a fun movie. It begins showing probably one of the more bloodier scenes in recent theatrical horror releases, I'm not talking about Saw or Hostel, but just a guy who rips people apart, and after he makes his convienent escape, the camera goes back to show you the carnage. The effects in this movie are actually really good, again in the beginning after 'Harry Warden' is introduced the carnage begins and doesn't ever really end. In my opinion, a good slasher flick has at least one really good kill every 15 minutes, and My Bloody Valentine does just that and even a bit more. Considering that when the other 3D horror films came out, I was simply a twinkle in my mothers eye, (Friday the 13th in 3D, Jaws 3D, and Amityville 3D all came out in the early 80's) and I was born in 1986.

The cast itself for me ten years ago would have been a WB wet dream, as Kerr Smith (Dawson's Creek) and Jensen Ackles, well also of (Dawson's Creek) show that in the beginning as teenagers to the sly "TEN YEARS LATER" they still manage to pull it off. Ironically enough, Kerr Smith looks nearly identical and unaged to the asshole he played in Final Destination, and that was 9 years ago! When they show Kerr though in present day he is sporting the Clooney salt and pepper, which works very well for him. I really enjoyed Jaime King as the love interest of the two. In the last several years she has really filled out, and by that I mean went from being waif like to healthy, and is one of the prettiest and underestimated actresses in my opinion.

Not giving to much away in My Bloody Valentine, you have a love story, a lost love, a bastard child, a twist ending, and above all a great amount of gore, which I firmly believe was so great because of the 3D. The greatest thing was seeing the pick axe that the killer uses in 3D, something about 3D always makes you kind of slink back in your seat, but especially when a huge guy holding a dripping axe, simply holds another little special place in my heart.

The only two gripes that I have about the actual film are 1) the only thing that was really shown about Valentines day was a couple heart boxes and flowers here and there, and the symbol that it happened on Valentines Day, which I suppose isn't really a gripe because I could gripe much, much longer about the film Valentine. My main gripe, is the way that the mine field looked like a model during the aeriels of the town. It may have just been too Real-D for my though maybe.

All in all, solid horror flick, lots of gore, left me wanting more, just don't do a fucking sequel.

My Top 10 Lists

I'm basically a huge horror fanatic, and I basically can tell you that 80, no 85% of what I'll be writing on here has to do with the horror genre. I will however, give you my top 10 on both sides, and who knows one day I may make one for each genre, today though all you people get is horror and theatricals mixed with love.


****Also, I'm not putting these in order of my ACTUAL list, because frankly if I was going to put my top ten list down, I can 100% guarentee you probably are not agreeing with me, and no Poltergeist and The Exorcist are not on this list for a reason, I've NEVER I repeat NEVER been scared and or been mesmerized by those films, I liked them, but seeing Linda Blair crawl down the stairs, only made me want to become a gymnast.

Top 10 Horror

1. Cabin Fever

-Now, before you go ("This chick is fucking retarded, PANCAKES, what a cunt etc") I must educate you in my fascination with 70's and early 80's horror, and more so the throwbacks that it comes along with there- now you know.

2. I Spit On Your Grave

-I'm certainly not above watching a good rape scene, as long as its done tastefully with a bottle of the finest backwoods hick juice man has to offer.

3. Cannibal Holocaust

-Probably the only movie that has ever made semi-ill, I love turtles.

4. Audition

-Miike is ridiculously talented, and keep in mind that this ridiculously, fucking sick ending was done LONG before the "Two Girls One Cup" franchise. Anyone that can make someone eat their vomit is pretty amazing, or must also be a fan of the Opie and Anthony show (fantastic by the way)

5. Hostel & Hostel 2

-Yes, another Eli Roth section, but quite frankly, its just fucking great.

6. The Re-Animator

-Can you bring things back from the dead? Herbert West can, excuse me, Dr. Herbert West

7. The Hills Have Eyes (remake)

-Buffalo Bill as a family man, who just happens to get pillaged by a bunch of freaks? FANTASTIC.

8. The Evil Dead Franchise

-I'm very Michigan proud, and I'll encompass all of them into one vote, although at the bottom of my list, Evil Dead 2 on the grand scheme of things, is one of the best horror films ever made.

9. Carrie (the original)

- The reason for all of my body insecurities and my inspiration for, oh I don't know, being an advocate of a shaved pussy.

10. Pieces

-Think Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Torso.



Top 10 Regular Non Horror Movies (genre based to come)

1. American Beauty

-This is the first movie I ever bought the day I received my dvd player. So therefore it gets top billing, oh and Wes Bentley has that amazing appeal of Ted Bundyish eyes that makes you wonder if he'd fuck you, or whilst fucking you chokes you out, worth the risk?? Yup.

2. Fight Club

-I had to watch this movie literally 5 times in one day, because unfortunantly for the first 3 times all I heard was Charlie Brown's mom saying wha wha wha while Brad Pitt, Jared Leto, and Edward Norton glistened in testerone and for once and only once in my life, I could see the need for men to watch porno, as David Fincher and all his glory created the best two hour peepshow for my young teen eyes. Plus, Chuck Palahniuk is fucking fantastic as an author.

3. Saved

-The cast that should have gotten a lot more credit than they did. Mac Attack is BACK.

4. Superbad

-If I had a cock and balls, I would have been Seth in high school. Instead, I had tits and a vagina and talked just like him.

5. Forrest Gump

-Always and forever, it makes me mad knowing that Jenny didn't give Forrest AIDS, maybe it was too soon after Philadelphia.

6. Great Expectations (1998)

-My favorite Robert De Niro movie of all time, and I'm transfixed every single time I watch this movie.

7. American History X

-The most cliche movie probably on my list, but racism and everything else aside in the film, if you know anything about cinematography or how to tell a story, this movie is amazing.

8. Love Me If You Dare

-French? You mean FANTASTIC

9. Boogie Nights

-Who would have ever thought that the porn industry would have been so interesting?

10. American Pie

-I saw this movie with my grandma in theaters when I was twelve, and I'll always remember what she said, "Amber, don't ever be like this in high school." To which I replied silently in my head, "Don't worry, I'll wait till college."

An Introduction Is In Order......

Greetings! And welcome to On The Rag Reviews. Don't let the name fool you, it really means what you think it means.

My name is Amber Fritz, I'm here to share my cinematic hits and misses with you.

And remember, for every shitty movie made was someone behind it who once believed in it.....lets see how long I allow people to get away with this........